Monday, October 7, 2013

Montana Entertainment


There is no TV here at the ranch.  Most Americans might not know what to do with themselves.  Some of our guests do not at first either, but then their entire day magically fills itself up and they fall into bed exhausted.  In fact, there is not enough time to do everything we want to do.  Perhaps we should petition Mother Nature for 26 hours in a day.  That would certainly help.  Try it.  Turn off your TV for a week straight.

I say 'thank goodness' to our lack of 21st century 'entertainmen'.  Television is garbage.  How is that for a metaphor?  No other way I would put it.  Except for maybe when John Prine sings about it:

Blow up your TV
throw away your paper
go to the country
build you a home
Plant a little garden
eat a lot of peaches
tryin' to find Jesus
on your own

Why live vicariously through others when you have your own life to live?  Call your own shots.  Make it exciting.

Okay, rant over, time to dig down to the bottom of the garbage pile (although I hope this blog post is not complete trash).

Every fall we at the ranch take a trip into town for some raw, hormone-charged, sexual entertainment.  No, not the strip club.  Mammoth Hot springs, located just inside of Yellowstone, is the annual scene of elk in rut. Big bulls bugle to the females, saying something like 'hey good lookin' come join my harem, I'm the biggest and strongest around.  Check out my rack.'  Please Google 'elk bugling,' it is like nothing else.  It stays with you.  

Once they have a harem established, they have to maintain it by bugling and constantly running around to keep the females from wandering off.  They also duke it out with other males and anything else that is around.  Anything.  People and cars included.  There is a Park Ranger force dedicated entirely to closing off streets and creating a perimeter around the harems as they drift around town.  The females munch their way across the lawns, slowly migrating wherever their mouths take them.  Tourons (moron tourists) and cars in the vicinity are likely to be charged.  The bulls are given numbers by the Park Service to keep track of them.  Apparently last year #6 got 40 cars.  Have fun telling that to your insurance agent.

All of this happens right on the lawns and streets of Mammoth.  The grass covering the lawns is a tender dessert buffet for the elk, making it a natural hangout.  I mean, if someone took you out on a nice date dessert would only help, eh?  As well, in a National Park the animals are sacred, so there is really no stopping them.  More dessert and another car gets a busted out window.  The show must go on.

(sorry for no pics, the Yellowstone has been closed and I did not take any the last time I visited)

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